Date: 16th May 2011 at 9:27am
Written by:

*subject to edit

Millwall fans celebrated West Ham’s relegation in perfect style as they watched Avram Grant Millwall Legend fly over West Ham’s hoards as they capitulated to Wigan 1000 feet below.

Millwall Football Club flew over enemy territory at the weekend to secure a victory that will be hard for the combined West Ham factions and enemies of South East London’s Millwall to ever overcome. Millwall celebrated West Ham’s relegation in more style and vigour and with more integrity than any single living person can recall.

A decisive blow was dropped on West Ham’s season, management, income, supporter base, supplies, training regime and the propaganda fall out will aid Millwall for years, and may even consign the Hammers to the hell of League One and land grabs against the likes of Leyton Orient and Walthamstow Girls will be their new game.

There are moments in war where amongst all the individual events that occur across the field of battle, that one side ultimately will ride a crest of unanimous conclusion that will provide the best of unimaginable outcomes, phenomenal, unimaginable, estorical outcomes. The Avram Grant Millwall Legend operation is and was one such moment.

Do not let these symbolic words escape your mind. For those involved in strategic military planning as these Millwall fans were for the last ten days, you know full well you can only try to take into account surrounding issues and ensure the operation goes as smoothly as possible on your part and the end game won.

This Millwall mission over Wigan involved blood, guts, determination, the sacrifice of three West Ham virgins (none found, so pretended), several hundred pounds, a coming together of internet message board rivalries to secure absolute secrecy and some forthright, decisive war planning AGAINST THE ENEMY.

If Avram Grant was ever to be installed in Millwall Football Club history as a Millwall Legend and the ultimate Mossad Millwall agent, then every precaution had to be taken and any eventuality planned for and this the HOF Millwall division excelled at.

The military planners had to be spot on. The reconnaisance team had to evade capture as thousands of police and west ham were stationed around the ground on horseback and in tanks. This was no easy task, West Ham even had a trampoline to launch counter attacks. Just because the west ham trampoline failed at the Den, doesn’t mean West Ham wouldn’t be a threat in the future.

With wigan an untrusted rabble of rugby fans, the funds, amunition and food supplies given to the locals in the days leading up to the operation’s zero hour, were no security against their past allegiances or crimes.

Wigan Atheltic has been caught doing wrong against the worldwide Millwall coalition in the past. Who can forget the War of Wigan Bridge and the Battle Of Playoff and The Wembley Theft. Certainly not I and nor will have many thousands of other Lions across our great empire.

Like any Millwall operation, only those deeply involved in the organisation will know how far government, police, the armed services (they were split) and President Obama went in trying to ensure the Avram Grant Millwall Legend banner never flew above Wigan on Sunday afternoon. Even mother nature tried to call it off. The dirty little minx.

The build up to the Millwall fly pass of the Wigan v West Ham relegation battle on 15th May 2011 was to be one of doubt, espionage, secrecy yet downright steadfast Millwall determination. Stuff of films and fantasy, make no mistake, the planning was brilliant but these men and women of blue and white blood needed God on their side all the way. And by God, God was there, by God he was, as was Kitchener, Hurlock and Rhino!!

A longstanding Millwall supporter had come up with the idea some ten days previous, potbelliedgladiator on the House of Fun website, a fan who like many of us had seen the recent Blackpool plane and banner and thought ‘what a wonderful idea, could do the same for west ham’ but this man had spirit and gumption. He stood like a Roman over his people and declared THIS IS MILLWALL, THIS WILL BE DONE, and so it began.

The Millwall troops and planning committees were tasked with sourcing routes in, reconnaissance, military planning, funding, arranging a catchy phrase as the defining wind up and of course a route out. By the Friday, two days before the operation was due to be initiated, fans were nervous, will it happen, won’t it, what’s happening, is it going ahead? many more thousands were in the dark.

Emails were being sent, phone calls made, text messages circulating and then it came ‘The Thing’ was posted on Friday night and it was on. Millwall were to activate Agent Avram’s final mission on Sunday afternoon, evade enemy lines and drop the bombshell over West Ham and seal their fate in proper Millwall fashion.

Avram Grant Millwall Legend would deliver the decisive blow in this war that has lasted for over 115 years between supporters and families of Millwall and West Ham for ten generations. Will West Ham finally accept their place and bow down to their better Millwall rivals?

Then the danger came, dun dun derrr, Millwall’s supporters and agents were in dangerous peril behind enemy lines very early Saturday morning as word seeped out from Millwall message boards that ‘The Thing’ was possibly rumbled.

This was worrying as it’s known when Palace tried the same thing against Charlton, an elite faction of trainspotters threatened the Palace pilot and their operation, if you can call it that, was called off.

Millwall couldn’t risk having to fight on another front so close to zero hour but was actually looking quite forward to the challenge and immediately dispatched two hardy reserve Millwall pilots and a crack commando crew of Bushwackers, F-Troop, Treatment and NTO to secure the airfield and a route in. West Ham’s arses were going.

Was the ‘rumour of the thing’ an act of Millwall propaganda to make the west ham enemy believe something might be happening and redirect their attentions elsewhere? We may never know. This was propaganda of Churchillian magnitude.

Millwall immediately shut operations down online and went silent for several hours, threads of ‘The Thing’ removed, a MillwallOnline War Room was instigated some 18 hours later on the Saturday night to inform known Millwall so they could enjoy the lead up privately as many unknown were oblivious even as late as midnight Saturday. This had to be savoured.

Hours later it seemed the Avram Grant Millwall Legend mission was to proceed as planned, Agent Mama supplied intel to MO’s eager Millwall contingent in the lead up and on a regular basis via secure communications. The HOF Millwall mission was back on track.

I have mentioned previously that you can only ever plan operations with the knowledge that you can only control the events directly surrounding your own team. Everything else has to be played by ear, enemy chatter, movement, weather, all else is out of your control.

This operation had risk, REAL RISK. Millwall could’ve been captured behind enemy lines, Birmingham were wholly unreliable on the field of play and Blackpool was only ever interested in a piss up on the beach but they bombarded West Ham’s rearguard legion, Bolton to good effect the day before.

The Millwall operation was undertaken with everything against them from the outset, the funds to make it happen, knowing full well doing this without West Ham already being down could all end up in tears and years of ridicule. That results could go the Irons way and they would stay up and Avram Grant may have been a double, double agent after all, was a possibility. This was all a major risk to Millwall as soon as it began, it could have gone terribly wrong.

That my Millwall friends and cohorts is the difference between Blackpool’s effort against Preston and the full scale Millwall operation that was ushered in for West ham’s final death toll. Indeed on the day it looked to be going horribly wrong, match results which kicked off at 4pm were simply not going in the direction of Millwall’s strategic advantage.

The battle elsewhere in the country at the Fort of Brummie, Birmingham’s defences were seriously damaged by a well worked Fulham attack. This in turn was cutting off the supply line to the advance Millwall troops hidden behind enemy lines at a nearby Wigan airfield. And the pitched frenzy between Wigan v West Ham wasn’t going too well either, by half time, West Ham were already up 2-0. Indeed.

This was devastating for the Millwall planners and those waiting and ready to launch the Avram Grant Millwall Legend attack. West Ham winning 2-0 put them on 36 points, Birmingham only needed to secure one point to counter, 40 sealed the rest’s fate.

At half time, some Millwall onlookers and financial backers of the war questioned if the effort should continue but they held strong, they held their nerve like all good Millwall do when faced with insurmountable odds. The cry went up, MMMIIIILLLL, despite the risks involved, Millwall overcame all anxiety and proceeded with the planned invasion of enemy territory.

Chatter was heard moments before take off with the planned launched being 5.15pm for an overhead fly pass and the bomb shells envisaged to drop at 5.30pm and 5.45pm over West Ham.

The weather reports were a concern, 11 degrees Celsius with it raining, a 5 mph headwind all once again made things decidedly dodgy, should Millwall continue knowing the recent West Ham chatter, the score was still 2-0 to the worse and West Ham could stay up, what should they do?

This was no time for a second arse wobbling, Tea, Welling and Bird took full control of the situation, a World War II Churchill like spirit was evoked by the Millwall faithful, who upon hearing weather reports willed the event to occur and it wasn’t too dissimilar to a Mystic Meg orgy.

As the plane approached the frenetic frontlines of Wigan and West Ham engagement, news was coming in, Wigan had scored. 1-2, Millwall fans were going crazy, epileptic.

A decision had to be made, with Wigan picking up their game, codenamed Millwall HOF operatives Tea, Welling and Bird ordered the plane to go in. It was now or never, risk of complete failure and West Ham staying up was still on the cards but Millwall went on through the bombardment and shook off all fears with 12 minutes remaining.

As the plane, doing one last circle nearby beforehand, approached and turned towards the ground, Wigan scored again, 2-2, Wigan, Millwall and the coalition of anti West Ham went mental, could this really all go as planned? The pilot engaged enemy pies, foiled the west ham trampoline and flew into sight of the enemy ground troops.

To the tune of Dambusters, Millwall launched and flew over enemy territory to deliver their verdict on a pitiful west ham season that before the fact, really could’ve gone either way leaving Millwall completely embarrassed. Avram Grant Millwall Legend was on the tips of everyone’s tongue (that don’t read well).

The risk however is what made the wind up even more the sweeter, like a perfectly choreographed dance, events back home and on the frontline laid the path to a perfect and succinct Millwall victory.

From two nil up to the dashing moments of weather reports and mixed calls for the launch to be abandoned, Millwall held strong throughout and arrived as if in co-ordination with match officials and fate itself.

Upon Wigan levelling 2-2, the Dambusters theme tune was heard in Millwall minds as a plane arrived on the scene within seconds with the indomitable words Avram Grant Millwall Legend on the trailing banner. No sooner had the second Wigan goal left the commentator’s mouths, they were looking up at Millwall, much like West Ham will be doing most of next season.

There aloft of 20,000 battling troops, 4,500 being West Ham, the Irons finally melted into their seats as Avram Grant Millwall Legend was flying in front of their eyes. The West Ham front must’ve felt complete disillusionment and Wigan Generals have even considered that Millwall aided in the third goal and West Ham’s imminent demise.

Millwall fans and others watching worldwide couldn’t believe their eyes either as footage of the invasion of West Ham by Millwall over the skies of Wigan was broadcast live around the world. Avram Grant Millwall Legend, at this point West Ham were on 34 points but still facing relegation.

Not too long after with people talking about what had happened, Wigan scored again, making it 3-2 and leaving West Ham relegated on 33 points to the Championship, funnily enough where Millwall ply their trade. Some Millwall joked that West Ham were counting down to something, having been on 36, had 34 and then on 33.

This wasn’t just about a plane, this isn’t about a joke or a wind up. This is about a century old war that is one of the world’s most fiercest football rivalries. When Millwall and West Ham meet, whole swathes of London are shut down, all leave cancelled and all ports manned.

This was about God being on Millwall’s side, this was about laughing at West Ham and relishing their relegation, this was about one fan who started a ball rolling that ended in complete misery for the West Ham underworld and complete and utter jubilation for Millwall world wide. We thank the HOF military planners, the Millwall fans from around the internet and world who funded the covert operation, this was about same old Millwall, taking the piss.

Millwall didn’t even play yesterday yet the world is talking about us as if they had won a cup final, West Ham feel like they lost to Millwall and got relegated from the Premiership by Millwall as well as Wigan.

This surpassed everyone’s imagination, there was so much risk but everything went Millwall’s way, the results, the action, the timing of the flight, the goals, the west ham finances, the old directors of Birmingham and that slag Brady, Agent Avram installed and sacked after he achieved his mission, the West Ham fans crying, the media reports, the stories, the videos and pictures.

I love the fans of Millwall, I love Millwall Football Club and I hate West Ham, and the above is the reason why. If you see a plane approaching your ground one day, be safe in the knowledge that Millwall have humour, real down to the earth old fashion football supporters but they will eat your babies. See ya soon West Ham!

View all the build up on MillwallOnline and indulge in the aftermath of the Avram Grant Millwall Legend super piss take here